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Family Sub-Types: How the Family May Help or Hinder the Development of a Competent, Confident Child, Part 1

Dr. R. Fred Zuker is a featured monthly columnist in the
Education section of The Jackson Sun

Family Sub-Types:  How the Family May Help or Hinder the Development of a Competent, Confident Child

Part I of II

Every family is unique. Every family has stresses and strains both internal and external that become part of the family structure.  How families deal with these issues will greatly influence how each person interacts with the world and will determine how children in the family develop their interpersonal skills.

All families create a series of systems within systems of parents and children interacting internally with one another and with the world in as many ways as there are linkages to the world outside the family.  There is the school/family system, the job/family system, the neighbors/family system, the extended family/family system, the peer group/family system, the church/family system and many others. 

Each family has a personality described by the ways it reacts to internal and external stimuli.  These personalities are described in a schema of “types” I have developed based on experience I have had with the thousands of families I have encountered in my various roles in higher education.  The types described are basically dysfunctional.  Their reaction style is problematic in that the behavior of family members creates anxiety and frustration. There are elements of the family’s behavior that are a hindrance to the full development of the individual members.  Students existing in a family exhibiting traits of these types often have a negative reaction that affects academic performance and restricts their growth toward successful independence and adulthood.

The descriptions may be familiar because many families possess some measure of the traits described.  In fact, it is entirely possible that families may have overlapping aspects of the various types.  It is rare to find a family that is exclusively one type.  These traits are normal and become a problem when the behaviors described are at such a level that there is interference in the development of the individuals in the family.  All families deal with a variety of issues.  How they manage these issues is the subject of this and the following description of the family types:

Catastrophizing:  Parents and students in this type family tend to exaggerate the significance of minor setbacks.  This type is especially problematic in the school setting.  There will be inappropriate response to minor problems in school.  Parents in this type of family often blame the student for these setbacks and increase the anxiety of the student by overstating the importance of these “failures.”

Emotionally Expressive:  Many families are expressive.  They are more open with their expressions of pleasure, pain, frustration and anger.  Families who are at the outer limits of emotional expression may find that the psychological demands of a teenager in the house cause an even higher level of expression with outbursts of anger, unhappiness, and dissatisfaction with the teen’s behavior.  Unresolved conflicts within the family will cause even higher levels of emotional display.  Sensitive students are more prone to negative reaction because they are easily distracted by such expressiveness.

Enmeshed:  A family situation in which no member can have a separate identity.  There is insistence that everyone in the family must be together at all times thereby limiting privacy.  Rigidity is evident in an unwillingness to tolerate change and over protection with parents stepping in at the slightest hint of discomfort on the part of the child.  These families will often deny that there is any conflict.  They may change the subject or simply refuse to deal with problems that may be obvious to an outside observer.

 

Narcissistic:  Parents of this type use the child to validate their own specialness.  The child must succeed in order to prove their superior parenting skills.  Parents of this type often insist that the child attempt classes and activities that are beyond their ability to establish that the family is gifted.  The resulting pressure may result in frustration and failure for the beleaguered child.

Neurotically Over involved:  Parents who are overly concerned with every aspect of the academic and personal progress of their student often prevent the natural development of the child’s coping skills.  These parents may become remarkably immersed in the academic program of the school to the point of correcting teachers and administrators on points of educational policy or procedures.  These parents may also essentially take over the lives of their students with regard to extracurricular activities and social life.  “Helicopter” or hovering parents may fall into this category.

Families face challenges every day.  The manner in which parents cope with these issues profoundly affects the development of the children.  Parents who recognize that they can help their children by putting the child’s interests first will help the children develop the skills they need to successfully interact with their world. 

In the next article we will deal with other family sub-types and how they impact the lives of the children in the family.

R. Fred Zuker, Ph.D.
Lambuth University
zuker@lambuth.edu

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