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Off to College

Dr. R. Fred Zuker is a featured monthly columnist in the Education section of The Jackson Sun

Off to College

Late August and early September mark the days when families across the nation load the family van or car with clothes, computers, clock-radios and assorted other gear and make their way to college campuses to deposit their children as new students. Younger siblings may actually help with packing knowing they will soon take over the vacated room of the new college student. This family rite of passage is fraught with separation anxiety and fear of the unknown. These conditions apply to both the college student and the parents of the emptying nest.

New college students should be prepared for the predictable stages of adjustment to college life. Any change in lifestyle of the magnitude of going to college will include a good deal of stress. This stress is normal but often debilitating to students who are unprepared for the adjustments this new life will present.

Parents are also prone to despondency and feelings of uncertainty about the departure of a beloved child to the unknown of college life. There is great ambivalence on the part of many parents, in that they want their student to succeed in college, but are overwhelmed with grief at their departure. For some parents, the student’s departure is a welcome relief from dealing with a college-bound student who has been testing the limits of parental authority before they take their leave to the residence hall and campus life.

For both groups here are steps to take that will alleviate some of the stress or at least make it more manageable:

Students:

Before leaving home make sure you have all the paperwork regarding paying bills, course registration, housing, meal plans, checking accounts, prescription medications, inoculation and so forth. The college will send you information on what you need. Read it and believe that you will be called upon to present that information at some point.

Take part in all the orientation activities that are designed to ease the transition to college life. Many campuses now extend orientation to include programs after classes begin on time management, stress management, study skills, money management and conflict resolution. Use these and other campus resources to help you through any tough spots.

Expect to be homesick. Missing the known and comfortable aspects of home, family and friends is a normal part of the transition to college life. These feelings can be eased if the family makes plans to visit the college student for family weekend. It is not recommended that the student return home for weekends since that will interrupt the transition process and may make it harder for all parties to let go.

Make a fast start with all your classes. Don’t miss class unless absolutely necessary. Read all your syllabi carefully and make notes in your calendar. Don’t let the course drop/add date get away from you because your opportunity to change your program will disappear early in the term and changes will have severe consequences.

Parents:

Don’t hang around the campus after your part of orientation is completed. The best thing you can do to help your student make the transition to college life is wish them well and go home.

Encourage your students to remember their primary duty is to go to class and take care of their studies. They should also engage the other aspects of college life as appropriate to their interests and class and study schedules.

Expect to miss the now departed college student. This grieving process will be eased by the knowledge that the student is doing exactly what they should be doing by making their way in college.

Stay in touch with your student by email or phone calls that are made on a regular but not extensive schedule. New college students need to develop their routine with the primary focus on their studies.

Plan to return to campus for family weekend-type activities. Subscribing to the campus newspaper will keep you in touch with what is happening in the student’s campus world.

Be prepared for expressions of disappointment, homesickness, anxiety and frustration from your student. These are normal reactions to the stress of the new life of college. Calm encouragement and reassurance that they are not alone will help them weather these usually passing storms.

The departure of a student for college, especially for the first time, is a singular moment in the life of the family. Parents who are aware of the deep significance of this time for both themselves and their student can help in the transition by staying upbeat and positive even in the throes of their sadness.

R. Fred Zuker
Lambuth University

Lambuth University • 705 Lambuth Boulevard • Jackson, TN 38301 • 1-800-LAMBUTH • Dr. R. Fred Zuker, President
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